Running Diary of David Bazan's Polyvinyl Livestream 6/4/21
When you log into your bandcamp virtual ticket at 7:55pm, you’re immediately taken to a livestream that opens on what you know to be the Polyvinyl Headquarters in Champaign, Illinois. A lone microphone waits in the middle of the screen. Peaking from stage right are windows of presumably the Polyvinyl building. You look through, briefly wondering if you’re going to catch an employee packing up a secret Pedro the Lion album or (for some reason) Mike Kinsella or Jeff Rosenstock just hanging out, but you know that’s not going to happen. Some vines scroll up the side of a building on stage left. There’s some plant that looks like…is that weed?
The unseen crowd murmurs. The sound comes almost like it’s behind the screen where you are; you’re a part of them despite being apart from them. There’s a chat window where fellow Bazan fans delightedly greet each other. “What’s he going to open with?” One fan calls for Control deep cuts, another just wants to hear “Quietest Friend.” Bob, the beloved manager, chimes in that you can safely bet Dave will play that one tonight.
You, the shy, passive participant just take it all in, partially thankful that your computer screen saves you from doing the whole look at your phone to avert social anxiety thing, but more feeling a slight pang of “man, I wish I was there too.” Then, to save you from riding that train any further, Dave shows up on screen holding a beautiful telecaster (that we later learn is Bob’s) and smiling behind a mask. He looks happy and, as always, his infectious smile takes over, because you feel yourself smiling back. Dave removes his mask welcomes you all, says it’s safe to get closer if you feel comfortable to do so (he’s been vaccinated), then he launches into his first song…
1- Overboard (Lo Tom)
Okay, switching tenses now, because while that whole second-person thing was fun, it’s past time to let it go. I love this song. All Lo Tom songs are absolute rippers with the incredible guitar work of TW Walsh and Jason Martin complimenting each other perfectly. Thankfully, the song translates just as well to a single guitar, with the rising bridge vocals of “sing that song at the top of your lungs” giving me chills just like it does on record.
For me, this song is always a reminder to myself to not constantly step on the faith of my still-believing friends just because I no longer believe. I don’t know if that’s the intention or not. I don’t know. Just find what fulfills you, whatever helps get you through that doesn’t hurt you or anyone else, and sing that shit at the top of your lungs.
2- Severely Dear (whew deep cut)
I’ve heard this song several times before, but I can’t immediately place it. After the show, I look it up to find that it’s from the Rare Coins split that Bazan did with Pedro the Lion drummer Sean Lane. That’s awesome. The song “Opposite Soul” from Rare Coins has been my go-to for a while, but I’m going to work Severely Dear in more now.
After this song, Dave takes a picture of the crowd. Someone spins the camera around and we see a beautiful crowd of folks waving, I wave back even if they can’t see me, just as I’ll clap after every song even though no one can hear me. I’m alone on my porch while my family watches a movie at my in-laws.
(I later learn they watched Secret Life of Pets 2 so I didn’t miss anything.)
3- Powerful Taboo (Phoenix)
“Don’t let them take your wits from you / that’s what they’ll try to do.”
One of my favorite songs from Phoenix, that chorus hook gets stuck in my head for days sometimes, but I don’t mind because it’s a wonderful lyric and a nice mantra.
4- Cold Beer and Cigarettes (Fewer Moving Parts)
The old alternate title of “The Devil is Beating His Wife” is what always comes to mind when I hear this song. I think that’s been dropped and I understand why. Bazan’s rendition here is a bit more rocking with the little hammer-on notes during the main riff. It’s really cool. This song is why I still say “right on” all the time.
5- Bands With Managers (Achille’s Heel)
“I can finally trust myself and I’m not afraid to die.”
A Bit of Banter—Bazan talks about the history of Pedro the Lion, and what it felt like coming back to the name. “I’m not even high at all right now. I’m completely sober.”
6- new song
I don’t know the title, but the lyric “will I always be a teenager now?” sticks with me, though it’s possible I mishear it entirely. Still, this song is great--I love it.
A Bit of Banter—Dave says they’re working on a new record and that record is preoccupied with seventh grade. I can’t wait.
7- new song- “I chase anyone who even looks at me / because something heavy / won’t let me be / my own valentine”
-Damn, this is great. I am paraphrasing what I pick up from the lyrics. I don’t what any of these song titles are. I’m just trying to take quick notes so I remember something, but I also want to listen more than take notes.
Banter— Bazan says: “Does anyone want to say anything, you don’t have to ask me a question but if you need to or would like to say something, then…”
Crowd: “why Champaign?”
Bazan: “that’s a question” (laughs) then proceeds to answer the question very sweetly. Then, “any other comments?”
Crowd (I think says): “we love you”
Bazan: taps his chest “oh you all too. Thank you. Is it overload to do another new one?”
Then someone asks Bazan if he prefers Star Trek or Star Wars and he kindly answers, talking about how his daughter is really into movies in general and how they’re put together and so they geek out on how the Star Wars movies are even made. Says the Last Jedi was his favorite but his daughter has talked him into preferring a Force Awakens.
—After the show, I talk with my friend Major about all of it, we discuss if Bazan is moving away from the whole “does anyone have any questions?” thing entirely and, if so, is he doing it because he already bares enough of himself in song as is so the whole “ask me whatever you want” thing can be a bit draining OR is he doing it to remove the focus from himself as the center of attention (does anyone have anything they’d like to share?) OR are we just overthinking it. It could be all or none of the above. Either way, witnessing David’s personal growth through songs over the years has greatly helped me along with my own personal growth (this is an understatement) so I’m in support of whatever Bazan may need from us as his listeners.
8- new song—“making the most of it”
Again, just a lyric from the song.
This new album is going to be so awesome.
9- “Your Bearings”
One of the recent bandcamp songs: “you tried to get your bearings / how dare you / the River keeps repeating / shouldn’t you be able to…figure it out.“
I really like the solo version Bazan does here too. After the show I go back and listen to the two songs and they’re wonderful. Here’s hoping we get something like another Bazan Monthly series again.
10- (fuck yes) Impermanent Record (Care / Bazan Monthly Series)
-The fuck yes is my own, this song rules.
11- Gillian Welch cover “Revelator”
“Every work seemed to date her / time is the revelator”
Banter- Dave talks about how the Gillian Welch album (Time- The Revelator) that the song is from is one of his favorites of all time. He recommends the crowd listen to it on the drive home with the windows down. I intend to do so the next chance I get.
Then Dave says he’s going to play another new one, but as he’s tuning his guitar for it and almost starts to play it, he shakes his head. “No it’s not the right time for it. You’d probably like it but you’d agree, it’s not the right time for it.”
12- Tom Petty cover “Wildflowers”
Hate to admit it but I’ve never really listened to Tom Petty much other than the song Last Dance with Mary Jane and/or Freefalling, both of which used to be on MTV all the time when I was a kid (American Girl is also sprinkled in there somewhere) and yeah, those songs are all classics, but this Wildflowers cover is convincing me I need to go check out Tom Petty’s back catalog because this is moving me.
After finishing, Dave then recommends the crowd listen to the album “Wildflowers” on the way home with the windows down.
13- Quietest Friend (Phoenix)
Just a week ago, one of my favorite people in the world was having a particularly hard time with beating up on themselves, wanting to harm themselves, just generally battling with a fierce bout of depression. We talked and cried and talked some more. Then we talked about this song and what it means to both of us. It’s a song that always brings me back to my center when I’m feeling off balance, a song that reminds me to be kinder to myself; much like “Trouble With Boys,” it’s a song that reminds me that I’m worthy of love. Watching Bazan’s closer here, brings all that to the forefront, moves me to tears again.
The song finishes. Bazan unslings his guitar. Waves. Thanks everyone for being here.
We clap, all of us wanting more, but truthfully, just thankful for what we got and that all of us, in person or on the other side of a screen are indeed here, together.